Friday, 25 September 2015

Do You Know Who You Are ?

Do you know who you are ???   do you really ???   or do you have those moments when you realise that of all the people in your orbit nobody really knows you ???    do you find that incredibly isolating ???    do you have any idea what i'm talking about ???

I don't mean those secret thoughts that involve the person you least like and a chainsaw, or those  memories that occasionally hit you from behind with a blast of adrenaline and a rush of shame, akin to those nightmares of school sans underwear, that you have hidden under your kilt for decades.

No.....i'm talking of the essence that makes you, you.   the experiences and memories from your formative years that have shaped you into the adult you have become, the inner heart of your being, what some have called The God Shaped Gap.

Mostly if conversation turns to this question i'm met with total miscomprehension.    people seem to know who they are and why they are and how they became who they are.   they don't have this gap in their soul, the need to be known, the desire to connect with a human who has experienced their story.   i envy that.   they think i'm weird.   maybe they're  right.   

I certainly had a very unconventional youth living in squats and hitchhiking round the country.  saw people die, spent a lot of nights in hospital waiting rooms, walked some very  dark roads.   had plenty of fun along the way too and met fascinatingly creative people.

It can be lonely if you don't fit. the temptation is to become what society expects, but you end up losing your identity and becoming isolated even from yourself,   knowing you are a living lie.
So......if you have absolutely no idea what i'm talking very thankful.   it means you know yourself and you are in the right place. you are living true to your soul........lucky you  ! ! !

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