Wednesday, 28 September 2016

Only A Month Ago

Just four weeks ago i was grieving the loss of both my feline friend of fifteen years and the jungle that was charitably called a garden by neighbours.  the absence of both is still rather raw and i miss the easy dance that Mr Cat and i had evolved over the years. he dictating the clauses of our coexistence and i avoiding the clawses when momentarily forgetting his supremacy.

As is the way with all losses the immediacy is dimming and adjustments are unconsciously being made daily.  the new garden is growing, though it looks sparse and spindly, and a furry called Fred is soaking up the sun on the chair so recently vacated by his predecessor.   life moves on and if we don't move with it we become like a needle stuck in a groove, repeating the same bars over and over again until all within earshot are rendered tone deaf by the refrain.  Or we sink so deep into the emptiness that the tendrils of The Dark wrap themselves around our ankles and drag us into the abyss.  when younger i wasted too many years, and damaged too many relationships, wandering steeped in sadness and refuse to take the road that leads that way again.
To fill the Mr Cat shaped hole in my home a Cats Protection vagrant called Fred who needed fostering has moved in for a couple of months. he was found starving, homeless, with a small, independent favela nation of fleas living in his fur.   my task is to feed him up, build him up, then talk him up so he finds a forever home.   he and Mr are as yin and yang, day and night, sun and stars, Laurel and Hardy.   where Mr was a white, fluffy, volatile, antisocial whirlwind of teeth and talon, Fred is a slinky black panther who seems to have a bottomless well of affection to share and a purr that would drown out the space shuttle Challenger's booster rockets.... i can even GROOM HIS TUMMY !!!

If the universe had a re-set switch i wouldn't hesitate to turn back the clock four weeks to the time when a Mr Cat and a mature green space were mine to enjoy, but the universe doesn't give us that option we can only go in one direction, always forwards, forever onward.  losses are unavoidable unless we abdicate from humanity but how we deal with them.... now, that is within our command.  as the wonderful writer Barbara Johnson, who experienced more tragedy in her life than you and i can conceive, said :   "suffering is inevitable, misery is optional so stick a geranium in your hat and be happy".


Anonymous said...

You do have a way with words Jeni. Thank you for the reminder of some of the more important things in life and how to live it. x Ruth

sarah Ingram said...

Sorry for your loss Jeni-! xxx x x x x x

sarah Ingram said...

Thank you. he was a character and a half of a cat