Above All Put On Love

Some years ago in a random moment of selfless nobility i offered to help with the washing up at a post funeral gathering, i don't usually do funerals but sponging dishes was a support my fragile psyche felt able to offer. The passed person wasn't a friend or family member, not even an acquaintance, so the emotional connection was tenuous therefore it felt safe.

As the day approached a chance comment about dress code sent me scuttling in a panic to the alternate universe in the corner of my bedroom that calls itself a wardrobe and, as i feared, it was stuffed with a multitude of colour, glitter, sparkle, emerald lace, purple velvet, gold satin, pink angora, a rainbow of fabric but...... NO BLACK.   Armed with a selection of the least flamboyant i paraded my glad rags in front of those involved and invited them to pass judgement.  Each item was deemed unfit by merit of style or shade.  in order to be a crockery wallah funereal fashion was more important than the ability to wield a tea towel.

A short while later a friend was wailing on my shoulder about an upcoming family wedding where she had been asked to be an usherette.  Said friend was in full on goth mode at the time, black clothes, boots, tights, make up, the only concession to colour being vampire red lipstick.   She too had suffered the indignity of being informed her services wouldn't be required unless she was prepared to invest in a more "suitable" outfit, her appearance being more important than her presence.   

I was informed that lack of black was a mark of disrespect, my friend was reliably advised that black on her back would also be a mark of disrespect.  But if it had been a Buddhist farewell white would have been acceptable, in South Africa red has been appropriated for grieving to symbolise the blood shed during apartheid, my purple would have been totally appropriate if the dear, dearly departed had been Brazilian.  Traditional Catholic brides in Spain wear black to symbolise their devotion to hubby until death and in Japan the colour to embrace is red for good luck.   Like my wardrobe cultures have a rainbow of hues for the same event, all classed as showing respect.   Imagine the conundrum if you attended the funeral of a Buddhist married to a Brazilian in South Africa? 

Then there's the question of to whom are we showing honour, is it the bereaved or the soul whose life we are remembering.   At the goodbye of a devout Newcastle supporter whose family are paid up, card carrying Sunderland fans is  Magpie black and white or Black Cat red and white the courtesy colour de jour?   If you think Brexit can split families you have never been in the presence of football fans of opposing loyalties.  Here's a thought.....  what if it's a family of naturists????   would you bare all as a sign of respect?  Answers in the comments below or on a plain postcard if not fit for family viewing.

When my turn comes to shed earthly garb please come and say goodbye in whatever clothes signify your personality and comfort zone. Daughter In Law has already promised to pass out glittery butterflies and flowers to anyone who shows up.   I'm pretty sure there will be a goth with DM's and vermilion lips, a businessman or two, i hope some much loved girlies will have their piercings and tattoos on display, there will be tight jeans, leather jackets, low cut tops, floaty dresses, smart trousers, track suits, maybe even a couple of hippie tribute acts.  It doesn't matter what you put on just come and be yourself, to me it's the person that matters not the persona.

"Above all put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony"  The Bible

The Pyrophytic Life

Fire Poppies.... noooo not a new narcotic on the block, nor the flowers that remind us each year of the awful events of the First World War.  Papava Californicum,  it's an amazing plant whose seeds lie dormant in the ground until fire ravages an area then they burst into bloom in the aftermath of conflagration. They are called Pyrophytes. They can be found in the form of flowers, trees, shrubs and their fruit, seeds, cones can wait decades until that random spark from discarded cigarette end, hastily abandoned barbecue, reflecting broken bottle crackles into existence to stimulate their awakening and every fire fighter's nightmare.

It's the smoke that does it for the poppies, it sends a message to the seed that it's time to wake up, a vapourous alarm clock.   No fire, no poppy.    No desolation, no regeneration.  No death, no rebirth.  Reminds me of the Tate and Lyle motto, "Out of the strong came forth sweetness". Dead lion, swarm of bees, golden syrup, rotten teeth.... oh, sorry that doesn't work.

Sometimes it takes disaster to push us into change and without change there can be no growth.   Humans aren't good at embracing new things, be they personal, social, generational.   Our puny minds find it easier, more comforting to gouge a rut for the synapses to fire along rather than take the off road challenging route.    I suspect a futuristic imaging system of how our thought processes work  would show a map like the London Underground within most of our skulls, all straight lines and right angles, no curveballs or switchbacks, a calcified cranium  trained from childhood to be resistant to anything that screams ADJUSTMENT !!

When my business had to close it felt like a little death, it meant accepting the bitter truth that my health and mobility were heading in a direction i didn't want to follow, that my dream of opening in The York Shambles was merely that... a dream.  Added to that was the feeling of letting my team down at the height of our hard earned success. The fire of failure could have burned bright and become a bitterness that would have devoured the following years.  instead Lindisfarne life grew from the ashes and rather than losing touch with the lovely people who worked with me i was able to offer an island getaway, a spare futon and nine years of coffee shops, sea and serenity.    

We all have times when the fires of disappointment singe our phalanges and sizzle our psyches, maybe you are fighting the inferno right now alone and unsupported, feeling as though there will be nothing left below your feet but charred ground and clinker.   No words of mine or those who love you will take the heat out of that searing pain or speed the healing,  but i can reassure you that an oasis can spring from your ashy desert, beauty can bloom from the cinders and in time you might find a field of poppies waiting to be harvested.