Foul Fiend Facebook

Sometimes,  in  the  interests of sanity and wellbeing, we have to concede defeat and do a deal with the devil.    in this case the  devil  was Facebook. and  i  did deal i  did,  oh yes i  did.......and  i did regret deal  i  did,  oh  yeees i did !!!   in the immortal words of  frankie howard  "woe, woe and thrice woe !!! "    No........not totally, maybe i  should explain from the beginning.

Much as i love my flat and,  overall,  don't regret moving to Hexham,  there are things i left behind on island that  i miss desperately with a whole hunk of  my  broken being.       no not things.......people.    specifically,  young people.......thinking people........techie people.........movie loving people.........book reading people.......fun people.........laughter loving people. .....upbeat people........interesting people........the sort of people i chose to live and work with when i felt a little  more in control of my destiny.   
  

So........i signed up with Facebook thinking i could join a forum or two and chat online to young peeps and, maybe,  find some  disabled folk  and pick up hints and tips from others who live with pain and limitations on the basis that the best way to learn is to listen to the experiences, successes  and failures of those who tread  the path  ahead  of  you  and,  hopefully,  add  a  little to  their  wisdom too.   well.........that's where the woe, woe and thrice woe comes into the story.    wotta  lotta miseries i found out there!!    

The youngsters are brilliant and have linked me to some really positive and challenging pages, political, social,  fun.  Have a look at collective-evolution.com  wonderful.     it all fell apart when i went looking for disability sites.    oh...........despair, despondency, desolation........every post day after day after day starting  "i don't feel well today"  "i've got a lot of pain today"   "i had a really bad night last night"   "wish i could chop my leg off"    "my rubbish/inept/cruel/useless    doc/gp/consultant/physio/OT/radiographer/sugar plum fairy on top of the chistmas tree/birthday cake/garbage tip "..........ok not the last one.......... ( delete as appropriate)   AND THAT'S JUST ONE PERSON ON TWO DAYS WORTH OF POSTS !!!!!!!!!!!!!    

After a week or two of playing Facebook Kangaroo............you know that game surely?............hopping from one forum to another looking for the right place to settle?............Mick Jaggerified?..........i can't get no satisf........etc etc?...........anyway,  i found FBook forums to be an exercise in self flagellation worthy of the most hardened martyr.    NOT  MY  SCENE  BABY.   i have un-invited myself from them all and un-friended all the un-friendlies and  shaken the dust off my sandals and walked away from formidable forums..........there...........that feels better !!!

But...........it wasn't all gloom and doom.    a pile of younglies from the distant and not so distant,  past have found me and i've found them and they are as wonderful as i remember them to be.   they send me the most beautiful, soul enriching links.    they make me think about life, death and everything in between.    they get excited by environmental  issues and angry over social injustice.    they laugh, they live, they love all to the extreme.    and they face life with courage and humour and activism..........what's not to like?     thank you children, for letting me share in a little corner of your virtual world.    keep me young, keep me thinking, keep me vital wont you...........PLEASE  ???

Fly Away Home

                           Y A Y  THE   SWALLOWS   ARE   BACK

In the summer, when i  lived on my  beloved Holy  Island,  swallows  would sit on the telephone wires and  washing line outside my bedroom window and wibble, warble  their amazing song.   the first serenade of the morning and  the last lullaby of the night.  i could lie back on my pillows and watch them weaving and swerving,  flying like jet fighters and singing like angels.   a pair would nest in my  outhouse swooping in and out with beaks full of bugs for their babes,  totally oblivious of the cats,  aware that when on the wing nothing with fur had a chance.   

One year i just happened to lean in, to see how much gas was left in the calor gas tanks, as the littlies fledged.    four of them leaped from the nest and  launched  themselves upwards, grazing my left ear with their wings.   three caught an updraft and, shepherded by parents, made a safe, soft landing in a tree.    the fourth lost the plot, and all confidence, and skidded, tumbling over and over feathers and feet flailing coming to a hard halt on the concrete path.   

 

Aware of two furry beasties pricking up ears, extending whiskers  showing a healthy interest in swallow casserole i scooped the tiny bundle up in cupped hands and hurled him, down wind, as high into the air as i could manage.    for a heart stopping moment he stuttered and started to fall.   the cats followed him with eyes fully dilated, muscles stretching into pounce mode.    i held my breath and willed him to swoop,  "swipe wings,  buddy, do SOMETHING."    just as it seemed he was doomed to be feline flambe an updraft caught him and,  mummy and daddy on either side, he made a valiant effort and  landed beside his siblings on a branch.     whiskers drooped, dribble dried, pupils closed, cats decided meals on wings were a no go so might as well go back to slumber land.

This morning i half woke at dawn to a familiar sound in an unfamiliar setting.   a loooooooong burbling followed by an inward gulp.......and........burble wibble warble on and on and on...........ah yes..........the swallows are back and they've found the telephone wires outside my Hexham bedroom window..........some things never change............nice isn't it.

Mr & Mrs Public

Isn't it brilliant when one of your oft  voiced negative opinions, or ideas,  gets totally shot out of the water?    when you unexpectedly encounter the complete opposite of your previous peeve and scuttle home with the proverbial tail between the  un-proverbial  legs?    sometimes it's nice to be wrong.    

After my last post the universe decided it was "Let's Bait Jeni Week, and  set her up for a fall".     it's  that tumble that has sent me running to the arms of Blogger to seek forgiveness for overlooking the unknowing Heroes in my tale of woeful shopping experiences.    they are of course Mr  Joe and Mrs Jane Public.

My lovely Caroline car/care lady and i went off with Bassett The Wheelchair to fill my freezer from our local M & S........ and before you start on about disability benefits being too high if i can afford to shop there,  consider this............. when a person can't cook, they need good quality ready meals and soups for health............it would be much  nicer  be able to cook,  and eat,  REAL  food !!!   

Now,  this  isn't one of the little Simply Food M & S shops but the  B I G    mother-ship store.  you know........the one with all the knickers and not enough checkouts.    as i only have transport twice a month i use this time to stockpile the essentials of life.    that's a lotta soup and a lotta ready meals and a lotta aisle blocking with my pink chariot.    

Up to the plate steps............TA DA......... MR JOE PUBLIC !!!   Mr 6 foot  Joe  Public  no less.........Mr  dishy 6 foot Joe Public.     the  lovely Caroline is not quite 5 foot.    as she struggled on tippie toes to reach the last mulligatawny soup  right at the back of top shelf,  this Adonis smiles down to my 3 foot level and without breaking a sweat or crooking an elbow passes said soup over with a flourish.    first thought ? how i wish i were 30 years younger!   second thought ? how kind.

Next up ?  Mrs Jane Public.   when you are down low in a wheelchair, taking up twice as much space as everybody else, and taking twice as long to manage even simple tasks, it's very easy to start apologising for existing, and wishing it were possible to do that Honey I Shrunk The Kids thing.   so..........there i was, blocking  access to the cheeses, looking round frantically for a  disappeared Caroline with trolley, lap full of cheddar and parmesan,  desperately trying to back away without crushing people's toes,  when a  lovely  lady  smiled and quietly said  "take your time there's no rush........your boas  look  lovely, by the way".  from there a conversation grew about her disabled daughter who would love my pinkly, feathered accoutrements and the difficulties of life with wheels.   we parted feeling like life long friends and i totally forgot that moments before there had been a desire to be minimised.

So.........Mr Joe.........Mrs Jane........thank you for restoring my faith in mankind  +  ladykind  +  shopperkind.   if ever you read this, know that your small actions  had huge ramifications.  you made a jaded muppet's trip out a pleasure where it could have been a trial.     thank you   xxx

Walk In My Shoes

Can you spot the customer care failure in this photo ?     no, not that the counter is too high, it needs to be that height for you biped people.   there's nobody to greet the gentleman ?  no, even receptionists need to pee sometimes.   can't you see it ?  THERE'S A BLOODY GREAT BOX   BLOCKING  THE WHEELCHAIR LEVEL SECTION.   you see it now don't you?   if you spotted it i congratulate you, not many would even think of it being a problem.

Try this photo.........

now, isn't that better.... no i don't mean the nativity set, though that is a nice touch.   us of the Limited Mobility Movement like the concept of "our" bit of counter being as wide as "theirs".

Would you feel it acceptable to approach every shop counter, reception, airport check-in,  pharmacy pick-up, even some hospital sign-in desks, on your knees and have to reach on tippy toes to use the pin machine or even be seen??  would you ??  can you begin to imagine how it feels to sit in your chariot with fingertips holding onto the edge of a ledge waving.... yes !! WAVING !! to attract  attention?   oh the shame, the shame.   oh no, not MY shame, the shame of businesses in the 21st century failing to understand how it feels to be thus diminished when accessing essential services.   click the link below to read how it felt for Kiruna of East Enders,  and know that it's a regular occurrence for many of us who don't fit the 5ft plus 2 feet on ground mould.

http://www.theguardian.com/society/2014/dec/13/eastenders-dwarfism-post-office-kiruna-stamell-disability-discrimination

Perhaps business leaders, and those who work for them, would benefit from a day strapped  into a wheelchair, not allowed out for any reason including comfort stops and ablutions.    i would leave them to navigate round a hypermarket  with a list of items, from the top and bottom shelves, to be purchased.   they would have to track down  the lift, following signs obscured by high shelving, only to discover the call button at 4ft level,  and once inside discover the button for the top floor is......right at the top !!  

They would have to run the gauntlet of shoppers annoyed by the fact that a wheelchair takes up a lot of space when the aisles are blocked by the huge cages used to re-stock shelves.   On their list of items to be purchased would be bread from the bakery  and cheese from the deli  and  fresh meat from the butcher and fish, and, and, and..... oh every high  shelf i  could find.

I would lurk behind an advertising stand to watch as they tried to manoeuvre through the narrow space between check-outs and reach the conveyer with a basket full of groceries as the assistant tapped her fingers and rolled her eyes to heaven at their uncoordinated attempts to lift the basket and deposit it safely without it tipping,  because they are too low down.   

Finally, as the piece-de-resistance, i would set off the fire alarms!!!!  do you know how hard it is to see exit signs when your eyes are at knee level?   try it........i challenge you.   

Or maybe, because i'm a merciful soul, i would spare them all that embarrassment and distress and simply suggest they read the article below.   as they say.........you need to walk a mile in a person's shoes etc etc.....

http://disabilityhorizons.com/2015/05/are-people-being-treated-differently-when-they-dont-fit-the-picture/?utm_source=Disability+Horizons+RSS-Email&utm_campaign=9c43fb0d3e-RSS_EMAIL_CAMPAIGN&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_75cf3532a8-9c43fb0d3e-300277321

Tutorial On The Wonders of Blogspot

Isn't technology wonderful ?........isn't it ?.........umm hello ???.......say, "yes jeni, technology is wonderful"...........oh come on, sound as though you mean it.........you wouldn't be reading these scintillating words from the depths of the jeni universe without it.........ok, have it your own way........ I think technology is absolutely amazing.   For those of us condemned to spend too much time in the containment bubble called home the internet can open windows onto the world.   where, once, we strode amongst the stars at will, embracing all that life offered,  it could  feel stifling without this outlet.     

So, in the spirit of enlightenment  i would ask my more computer literate friends to be patient while i answer a couple of techie questions some of my readers have  asked about using this site.   hopefully the peculiarities of google wont blow your mind.

 

For those who would like to receive an email whenever i write  something new, have a look at the top right of this page and you'll see "follow by email".    if you type your email address in the box underneath and press submit.........hey presto.........you are safely in my subscriber list.   you wont get junk mail from google.........just notifications from me......simples!

Next tutorial by request from my lovely friend Val who would be keen to read comments from other people.     val and i shared various flats in Bath when we were about 17 ish ???  and this blog has put us back together again.    i THINK this was one of the houses we lived in........am i right val ?

To make a comment follow these easy peasy, lemon squeazy  steps:

at the bottom of the page you'll see a pencil with how ever many comments have been made  OR  "no comments".    click on "comments"  OR  "no comments".    (not logical i know.  it should say "comment" cos you want to write a comment !!  take it up with google)

a box will open up with "enter your comment"   so type your words of wisdom in  the box.   

underneath the box  you'll  see "comment as"  with a little arrow.    click on the arrow and a list of choices will drop down, choose  "Anonymous".    

then click on the blue "publish" and you should be all honky dory.

if you want people to know who you are just sign your comment with your name.   you can have conversations with others and respond to their comments.    you might make friends with my friends cos my friends are very fine people.

your comment wont show up straight away as it gets sent to me to give the go ahead.    that's to stop strangers putting nasty comments just to be.........well,  nasty !!  sad, i know, but true.    the internet has the down side that it gives anonymity to those who just want to trash anything good.

Finally, i have started a Facebook page........i know, i know........consorting with the dark side.   

That's all folks.    get commenting if you'd like to and thank you for indulging me.

A Salute to the Brave

Sometimes people say to me,  "you are so brave" when they discover how damaged my spine,  is and how much it hurts.   my response is always the same  "no, not brave.    stubborn?  yes.    bloody minded?  yes.   accustomed? yes.   unheeding? yes.   impervious? yes.   brave?........no........definitely no".

Bravery is another beast altogether and i truly don't know how i would act if ever i had to face a situation that calls for it.    in the past, righteous anger has impelled me to take a stand in a risky situation and i can honestly say i really didn't like the pounding heart rate, clammy hands, nausea that followed.   living with pain and the accompanying restrictions that disability bring cannot be classed as bravery for one simple reason.......it's unsought. 

True bravery is seen in the actions of the chinese student who stood in front of tanks, moving left and right to match them as they tried to move round him, knowing that many of his peers had died, been beaten, and disappeared into custody following the Tiananmen Square protest the previous day.   

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tank_Man

True bravery was shown by Mother Maria who was killed at Ravensbruck concentration camp in the second world war when she took the place of a Jewish mother to save her from the gas chamber.

https://uk.pinterest.com/jvillage/righteous-among-the-nations/ 

True bravery is shown every day by the many who risk their lives to save others.   those who  undergo painful medical procedures to donate bone marrow or organs to a sick loved one.   by our rescue service men and women who go into burning buildings, sail on stormy seas, face down hostile crowds.   by those who risk persecution and death for their faith, for their politics, for freedom.   they know what they are walking into and make a decision not to turn away.

Pain and disability are imposed on a person so there's no bravery involved, as no choice has been made.  given an option i definitely would not choose these limitations and sleepless nights.   by nature i would always choose satin over sackcloth,  pleasure over pain.    by nature i'm a confirmed wimp,  a committed  wuss.   by nature a tabby not a tiger.   

Brave?...... .. no.........honest ?........hopefully.

The Wisdom of Solomon

Sometimes those whose task it is to uphold our labyrinthian laws have all my sympathy.    how to keep a rational head on the shoulders  is something i think  would drastically increase the proportion of grey to henna in the jeni frizzy hair if the decisions were mine to make.    i mean, imagine having to find  a response to this dilemma faced by the monarch of a Middle Eastern country a few thousand years ago:

Mr Monarch finished his breakfast of peacock eggs and toasted soldiers.......that's the bread sort not the machine gun toting sort........and headed for his kingly chair, premium Ikea imported that very season.   settling down and hoping for a quiet morning judging he had just finished a long, silent eggy belch when an almighty.......small a, not CAPITAL A He came into the original story at an earlier  date......kerfuffle broke out at the back of the courtroom.   

Two distraught young ladies bickered their way to the front each holding a small baby.    one breathing........one not.    the tragic story poured out of them of sharing a labour ward and each delivering a healthy infant called Charlotte........i know, predictable but it's late and there is a sort of royal theme to the story, and  it  IS a pretty name.......   When they woke in the morning one of the babies was deceased.     Now, our labour ward........that's baby labour ward not political district Labour Ward....... hadn't really got to grips with health and safety and had failed to attach name bands to the babies........you couldn't get  good quality staff in those days.   both of our mums were claiming the surviving baby  was theirs.

All eyes turned to our king, it was his task to pass  judgement and decide which one was to go home with a living infant.    no adjourning to a future date or passing the buck to a jury, no CSI.......his was the final word.

Our Mr Wise King  called for a sword........no not ISIL, wrong tribe.......and ordered the baby  be chopped in two so the mums could have half each.    pseudo mum nodded assent and asked for the top part not the smelly part.    truedo mum declared  "no way kingo dude,  i'd rather she took him alive than see him felled like a young oak"......or something like that.   of course real mum went home vindicated with her baby and we gained the saying "the wisdom of Solomon".

Now, fast forward several thousand years to last week and read the link below for our very own 21st century Solomon.......though we have judges who take turns in making the hard choices not kings.  spreading the load must make it easier to sleep at night.

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/may/14/pursuit-barkers-modern-britain-tesco-compassion-judge

Isn't it heartening to know that in this time of psycho babble and un-understandable  judgements that come out of our courts there are some who can cut through the crap and show some humanity and common sense.